Anger Management Courses in Wellington: The Complete Guide

John knew he had gone too far.

It wasn't what he said, although he knew that he said some horrible things. It wasn't even what he did, although he had never shoved his wife Tania that hard before. 

It was simply the look in Tania's eyes as he was losing it. He hadn't seen fear in her eyes in that way before. And even though she was scared-the fear in her eyes scared John perhaps more. This wasn't the man he wanted to be. This wasn't the husband he wanted to be. And this wasn't the father he wanted to be.

But where can John turn to for help?

In this article I provide a list of all the anger management options for John, a Wellington resident. This includes a list of all the anger management courses in Wellington, their location and the services each agency provides. I also discuss other options, such as online options, for John to learn how to control his anger.

If you want to learn how to control your anger, what attending an anger management course will involve and what the best option for you is to learn how to control your anger, read on....

(Note: This article applies equally to men and women, and includes anger management courses in Wellington for women).

What is an Anger Management Course?

Anger management courses are structured sessions, which can be conducted in group settings or individually, aimed at helping individuals address and manage anger.

Although anger management issues are as old as the human race, it is only in the last two or three decades that anger management classes have been held. The Oxford English Dictionary for example, states that the first reference to the term anger management came in 1975, connected with the work of American psychologist Raymond Novaco.

These days anger management courses are common in Wellington. However, in addition to face-to-face anger management courses, online anger management programmes are emerging as a popular choice for many.

Online anger management programmes offer the flexibility to learn and practice anger management techniques from the comfort your own one's home. Some benefits of such online programs are discussed below.

How Do I Know if I Need an Anger Management Course?

There are many signs that you may need to do an anger management course. These include:

• you have frequent arguments with your partner
• you shout, swear at or belittle your partner
• you experience considerable anger on the roads, including shouting at, swearing at or chasing other driver
• your boss or workmates say you have a quick temper
• your children avoid you when you are angry
• you go hours or even days after arguments without talking to your partner
• other people say that you need to do an anger management class.

A simple way to know if you have an anger issue is to take what I call "The Anger Test". This is a simple test that will help you determine whether you need to seek professional help for anger management.

If you score highly on this test it is likely that need to do an anger management programme.

Should I Do a Group or Individual Anger Management Course?

Most organizations that run anger management courses deliver courses in both group and individual settings. Both of these settings have a number of benefits. These include:

Group Anger Management Courses assist people to:

• learn basic anger management tools and techniques
• understand thoughts and beliefs behind anger and violence
• understand that they are not alone in experiencing issues with anger
• get feedback from other group members as to how they would deal with certain situations
• learn in a supportive environment
• learn from experienced anger management group facilitators.

Group anger management classes are usually run by two facilitators. Often these facilitators are a man and a woman. Having both a man and woman in the anger management programme give participants balanced feedback as to the effect of anger on their partners and children.

Individual Anger Management Courses include many of the above topics but also allow people to:

• conduct deeper and individual explorations of their anger
• have individual feedback from an experienced counsellor
• talk about issues that people may find difficult in a group setting, such as sexual abuse and extreme violence.

After running both group and individual anger management programmes for over 30 years, I find that group environments are usually the most beneficial for those people trying to learn anger management techniques. This is largely due to the motivational aspect of the group and the support offered by other group members.

What Sort Of Anger Management Course Should I Do?

There are two main types of anger management programmes. These are:

• Face-to-face anger management programmes, or
• Online anger management programmes

Both types of programmes have their pros and cons. These include:

After running both face-to-face and online anger management programmes for over 30 years, I find that many people learn more quickly and effectively using an online course (especially when that course includes options of group or individual coaching, as mine do).

If you would like to find out more about online anger management programmes, click here to book a FREE 20 minute phone consultation with myself.

Note: Exceptions apply for men and women who have been Court-directed to attend an anger management programme. Usually this is because they are facing charges, such as Male Assault Female or Common Assault. If you are in this category please check with your lawyer as to the most suitable anger management programme for you.

Having Said That, Where Do I Find Anger Management Courses in Wellington?

If you want to (or are required to) to attending an anger management course in Wellington in person, I recommend the following organsiations:

Porirua: Porirua Living Without Violence

Porirua Living Without Violence is based in Porirua, Wellington. They are a non-profit organisation whose main purpose is to enable the Porirua community to live violence free by providing programmes that educate, support and empower. Their services include:

• Behaviour Change Programmes for Men
• Behaviour Change Programmes for Women
• Support Programmes for Women affected by Abuse and Violence
• Programmes for Children Aged 5-12 Affected by Violence

Porirua Living Without Violence conducts both group and individual anger management programmes.

To find out more visit their website or phone 04 237 6009.

Kapiti: Kapiti Living Without Violence

Kapiti Living Without Violence is based in Kapiti, Wellington. They provide individual and group violence prevention programmes for men, women and youth on the Kapiti Coast. Their services include:

• Abuse and Violence Programmes for Men
• Safety Programmes For Those Who Have Experienced Violence

Kapiti Living Without Violence conducts both group and individual anger management programmes.

To find out more visit their website or phone 04 298 1404.

What Happens in a Group Anger Management class?

Group anger management classes are usually run by two facilitators and have between 10 and 16 participants. These facilitators are likely to be counsellors who are highly trained in the dynamics of domestic violence. Some facilitators have also been in anger management classes themselves as participants and later trained to run classes themselves.

Participants in anger management classes tend to come from all walks of life and include a large variety of ages, ethnicities, professions and backgrounds. Research by Respect indicates that roughly:

• 35% of men are aged from 20-30
• 30% of men are aged from 30-40
• 25% of men are aged from 40-50

Group anger management classes usually include a mix of input from class members and instruction from the facilitators. The topics covered in these classes vary depending on the organisation that is running then, but often include topics such as:

• understanding anger, abuse and violence
• anger management techniques
• identifying thoughts and feelings that may precede anger, abuse and violence
• communication skills, including listening, speaking and negotiation skills
• understanding the effect of abuse and violence on others
• understanding verbal, emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse
• understanding the causes of anger, including the influence of our childhood and upbringing.

What Happens in an Individual Anger Management Class?

Individual anger management classes combine a mix of counselling and programme content.

The content of individual programmes is often similar to that of group programmes. However in individual programmes the content of the programme can be tailored to the individual needs of the person seeking anger management.

Do Anger Management Courses Work?

In my experience, after working with over 15,000 men and women over the last 30 years, the answer to this question in "Yes"!

For example, many men and women that I have seen have learned how to control their anger and stay calm in any situation, sometimes in as little as 2-3 weeks. And while it can take a little time to cement the changes that an anger management programme makes, the basic skills and strategies to control your anger are usually easy to learn and apply.

In general, research supports this conclusion. Most research indicates that anger management programmes are effective in promoting change in men (or women) who undertake such programmes.

While the general outcome of anger management programmes is positive, some men or women use anger management programmes to disguise tactics of violence, abuse and control. In my experience this only occurs in the minority of men and women. Often these are people who are mandated to attend anger management programmes and may not have intrinsic motivation to change.

Overall research generally suggests that anger management programmes provide an opportunity for men and women to learn respectful and non-abusive ways of being in relationship with their partners and children.

Are Anger Management Courses Different for Men and Women?

The content of anger management courses for men and women is usually mostly the same. Both men and women will be very likely to learn basic anger management tools and techniques. They are also likely to understand some deeper causes of anger, including underlying thoughts and beliefs.

While most of this content will be the same for men and women, there will also be some differences. These differences are largely due to the different socialisation of men and women. In addition, women who experience anger issues themselves have often been victims of abusive relationships. Most women’s anger management courses thus include sections on recovering from abusive relationships.

What are the Best Books on Anger Management?

It is difficult to find good books on anger management, especially those written from a New Zealand perspective. Largely because of this, I am in the process of writing a book myself on simple and effective tips for managing anger. If you would like more details on this, please contact me.

In the meantime the following books provide a good introduction to anger management and can be powerful in helping people change their lives.

What is the First Step in Getting Help for Anger Management?

The first step in getting help for anger management is to choose whether you want to attend a face-to-face or online anger management programme.

Once you have made this choice then contact the person running the programme and enrol! If you choose to do an online anger management programme I offer a FREE 20 minute phone consultation to discuss this with you.

If you would like to attend a face-to-face anger management programme, contact any of the organizations listed above. I am also happy to advise on any issues around anger management. Please use the contact button below to contact me with any questions you have on this topic.

Learning to control your anger is a brave and powerful step. I wish you the best of luck!